A child's longing

Tonight at Zippy's I was sitting across the table from my 11 year old daughter. She launched into a banter that produced a huge grin on me that wouldn't quit.

She went on for about 5 minutes. My smile got bigger and bigger. She was running through one stock phrase after another, drawn from things that she, her sister and her mother say to one another. But each one was said with some kind of twist to it. Or it was side with a funny, twisted, facial expression. She was like a clown. Or a stand-up comedian. And she was displaying a very quick mind and delightful creativity. At one point she said, "Work with me here," with a subtle twang in her voice. She was quoting her mother, who uses the phrase to try to motivate people to pay attention to her. Sometimes she succeeds with the phrase and sometimes not. Here, my daughter was playing off the phrase, using a grown-up mother's phrase, trying to get the smile or affirmation she desparately wanted.

All the time her gaze was fixed on her mother sitting next to her. The purpose of the monologue was to get a smiling response from her mother. She didn't get it; her mother remained stuck in her skin with the things that weighed on her.

I thought my daughter was displaying the kind of quick wit that I had always wished I could muster but never did. She showed a flare and a dramatic talent that was magnetic and hot. I loved it.

But here's the thing that I don't get. Two days ago we went over her grades and school and she's getting a D in English/Language Art.

One clue I have came yesterday as I was helping her with some homework. It was really easy stuff that she knew well enough, she just wanted to share it with me, really. I simply read the questions and asked her about what she saw on the page. She understood all she needed to know. She answered one of the questions correctly then moved to the next one, which was kind of a mirror image of the first. Since the answer to the first was "down", Emma immediately said that the answer to the second was "up". But it wasn't. The right answer was also "down". But something in Emma's training to date had told her that things like needed to "match." She had developed a habit of answering tests not by understanding the questions but by memorizing patterns.

Now what I am describing is very like what I have read is done by children with learning disabilities. And it may well be that is part of the answer here. But my suspicion is that it also has something to do with the style of education that my daughter has received these past few years. Emphasis has been very heavy on standardized testing. Often the best way to get through them is by relying on "patterns." Not that it gives the best results, but that it's the path of least resistance, at least for my daughter.

There are some signs that this year she is finally figuring out some of the mis-steps she has made and the habits may get changed. I hope so.

In the meanwhile, I so hope that the magical energy she commanded in her banter at the restaurant will not be lost and that she will find a channel to exercise it and keep it alive.